Software helps parents track what kids do on computer: Is it "spying" or "parenting?"

BY LARRY MAGID
Special to the Mercury News
May 17, 20001

Do you spy on your children? If the answer is yes, don't feel bad. Keeping track of your kids' activities -- whether online or off -- isn't the same as peering through your neighbor's window. When done thoughtfully, it's not spying at all. It's parenting.

I'm not saying that kids don't deserve a certain amount of privacy and I certainly don't feel that one size fits all when it comes to parenting. Each family has to reach its own level of what is and isn't comfortable. What's appropriate depends on each family and each child.

When children are very little, parents monitor them all the time. As they get older, children usually get more freedom and more privacy. Anyone who has ever raised a teenager knows that privacy is definitely an issue at that age. My kids, ages 14 and 17, expect a fair amount of privacy and, for the most part, they get it. But that doesn't relieve my wife and me of our parental responsibility to keep an eye on them. Whether it's making sure they're doing their homework or keeping them from harm's way on the Internet, there are times when we need to monitor and regulate their behavior.

When it comes to monitoring a kids' computer use, there are a number of tools at your disposal, ranging from checking the browser's history to going out of your way to install software that tracks everything that someone does on your home computer.

Before you embark on an espionage mission, think about how you'll react if you find something. Let's face it, if you have a teenager in the house -- especially a teenage boy -- there is a reasonable chance he has been to sex sites. I'll leave it up to you to decide whether that's a serious problem, but while it might be upsetting, it's hardly unusual. If you view some of these sites, you may very well find material that goes well beyond what you would have found in ``girlie magazines'' that teens looked at a generation ago.

Ironically, hard core pornography is easier to find on the Internet than soft-core porn is. Just because a teen has landed on a raunchy site doesn't mean he craves the seediest possible material. Porn merchants sometimes use URLs that are typos of commonly visited sites.

If you do find that your child has been visiting such sites, you should probably have a chat, but don't assume your kid is on the road to a life of perversion. A previous Family Tech column, ``Frank approach to adolescents and Internet pornography'' (www.safekids.com/frank.html) includes advice from a child psychologist and a pediatrician on how to deal with this issue. Experts agree that parents shouldn't overreact. There is a difference between taking an occasional peek at porn or using it for sexual stimulation and being obsessed with it to the extent that it interferes with school, social life and other activities.

Even without installing special software, it is often possible to find out where your kids have been on the Web by examining the history (or cache) on your kids' Internet browser. This doesn't necessarily give you a complete look at what they're doing but it may reveal some clues.

The major Internet browsers have a ``cache'' or history area that tracks recent usage. Although sophisticated kids can cover their tracks by clearing the cache, my guess is that most kids don't bother unless they're going out of their way to hide where they've been. If that's the case, the history will be blank and even that will tell you something.

Assuming the history hasn't been cleared, you can find out where someone has been on Microsoft Internet Explorer by clicking on the History icon in the tool bar. A list of recently visited sites will be listed by date and then alphabetically. In Netscape, select Tools and then select History. In AOL you can view the last 25 web sites or AOL areas visited by clicking on the down arrow to the right of the address box on the navigation bar.

Another option is to install software designed to keep track of what your kids are doing. While some filtering programs such as NetNanny include a monitoring feature, there is also a category known as ``spy ware'' that specializes in monitoring everything that happens on a computer.

One program, Spector 2.2 ($69.95) from SpectorSoft, lets you record everything someone does on a PC, providing a snapshot of every screen looked at and, if you want, every keystroke typed. Unlike the browser's cache, kids can't defeat this program without knowing the parents' password. And unlike filtering programs, it monitors all computer activity, including chat, instant messages and e-mail, which is where kids are more likely to get into serious trouble than on Web sites.

The company touts a user in Memphis who monitored his daughter's e-mail and found she was having sex with a 37-year-old man. Unfortunately, the company has also launched an obnoxious marketing campaign pushing the program as a way to spy on spouses and employees.

The idea of spying on one's spouse, even if you do think she or he is ``cheating,'' rubs me the wrong way as does monitoring every move an employee makes. However, the product performs as advertised. I haven't loaded it on my kids' machines but I am testing it on my machine and it is indeed tracking my every move, with relatively little impact on system performance.

If you want this type of software but don't want to support the company's marketing campaign, try downloading FamilyCAM Silverstone Software (www.silverstone.net). You can test drive it for 30 days and pay $34.95 after the expiration period. The program captures screens and keeps a log of programs used but not does not capture keystrokes.

By default, both programs display an icon in the lower right corner, indicating that they are running but they can also be run in ``stealth'' mode so that the person using the machine has no idea he or she is being monitored.

While parents generally have the right to secretly keep an eye on their kids, I don't think that's the best approach. If you're going to monitor your kids, let them know in advance. By tracking your kids in an overt -- not covert -- fashion, you're acting less like a spy and more like a concerned parent.